By: Janna Adams
Recent and unexpected changes in my life have lead to me, once again, analyzing myself. It’s not new for me to look within myself for the answers I’m in search of. What could I do better, what can I change, why did this happen and what can I do to stop it from happening again? I spend a lot of time sifting through the "what-if’s," and I’ve always thought about it from the angle of 'what did I do wrong?’ It’s clouded the way that I view myself and the way I view my relationship with others.
But after this most recent situation, I honestly just didn’t have the energy to wallow in myself. I didn’t have the time to spend wondering how I could have changed it. I didn’t have the self-pity to cry all my tears and make the bags under my eyes heavier. I just kept getting out of bed and going on with my life. And you know what? The world kept spinning.
I’ve wasted so much time trying to fix things that I didn’t break. I’ve wasted time trying to fix things that I did break, too, and to be honest my time is just as wasted that way. There is hope in putting things back together, but not when they were meant to break. And that’s the part I have always had trouble accepting. To me, everything needed to be put back together. But the truth is, that just isn’t realistic. Some things are meant to break, and frantically letting your own life spiral out of control to try to make it happen is not in anyone’s best interest.
It’s not as easy as it sounds. And once you get there, it takes work to keep reminding yourself. But there is strength in knowing that sometimes things break to make you better. Sometimes plans fall apart because there’s a better plan on the horizon. Sometimes people let you down because they’re not meant to be in your life the way they were.
There is hope in knowing that God’s plan for us is worth trusting. I’m still working on grasping the peace that He has promised me, mostly because I tend to let go of it in favor of the comfort of my own anxieties. But when I feel it, it overwhelms me. And the next time something breaks, I’ll do my best to step back and trust that He will give me the wisdom to know whether or not I should try to put it back together, or collect the pieces and keep them as a reminder that good is still coming.